YOU SUCK!

Well not you in particular....

Although it might be you.....

Ok, so there's a chance that you are one of the people that inspired this hormone fuelled rant of epic proportions, but do I care about that? No. Not really. Actually, I REALLY don't care. Sorry but I'm 4 months pregnant with twins, I have a toddler that although is absolutely the love of my life and the sweetest little peach in the world, she has more energy than a Dalmatian puppy on Red Bull. And to top it all off, it's been so hot here the last few months that I swear even the trees are looking for shade......

So yes, you probably have said something or done something lately to piss me off because that, my friends, is a goal that really doesn't take much effort to achieve these days.

And while I'm totally aware of the fact that I'm uber easily annoyed because I'm hormonal, tired, hot and sweating like a pig on a spit 24/7, that is not going to stop me from saying

YOU SUCK!

So here are some conversations and situations I've encountered lately that I feel deserve to be on my YOU SUCK list.......

Please note: I will have some restraint in that I won't mention names here....although there may be times when it's completely obvious who the culprit is, especially when I say things like 'my husband'....just kidding, he hasn't done anything to piss me off. Although he probably will so I don't think I'll edit this part out....

To the woman who thought this was a conversation I wanted to have first thing in the morning while carrying 3 massive shopping bags and trying to herd my daughter in the direction of home:

HER: Ahhhhh, Tara, it's still the beginning and you're already *puffs her cheeks up like a blow fish and holds her hand about 2 feet away from her belly to indicate massiveness*, eh??

ME: .....huh....

HER: how many months are you now?

ME: 4

HER: ah, yeah, it's still early hahahahahaha

ME: ah, ha.....ha, yeah well....

HER: what are you having, boys are girls?

ME: I don't know yet

HER: it's better girls. If it's 2 girls it's good because the mothers always want girls. Girls will stay home with you. If it's 2 boys it's not good because boys always leave. Girls are good,

ME:......I don't care if they're girls, boys or chickens, as long as they're healthy....

HER: Oh hahahahahaha, yes of course of course, as long as they're healthy, all the best, it's up to the God 

ME: OK then.....

YOU SUCK!

• because I absolutely love it when people use facial expressions and hand gestures to express that they feel I'm the size of a beluga whale
• because it's awesome and completely appropriate to talk about my size at all
• because it's great when people want to point out how far along I am and that I'm only going to get bigger, as if I didn't know this fact already
• and finally, because...I don't know, that last part of the conversation was just weird

To the people who are annoyed with me for not inviting them to Eleni's birthday party (and to be fair I'm not actually sure who 'they' are, I've just been told 'they' are unhappy with me and maybe, hopefully, this isn't even true at all) :

YOU SUCK!

• because I'm pregnant with twins (in case you haven't heard) and I planned and executed this party completely by myself....with the exception of my koumbara Maria who helped me with the food at the last minute while I was frantically trying to put everything onto plates without it looking like a dog's breakfast, and the few people who blew up and put up balloons....so since I knew I'd be doing this by myself and I know I'm pretty limited in energy right now, I decided to keep the party small. Shoot me.
• because people still don't seem to understand that I'M NOT GREEK!! Yes, I understand that every social function in this country requires an invitation to every living family member with a blood relation that can be traced all the way back to the time of Adam & Eve or Homo habilis (depending on your particular belief system)......but she's 2. Is this rule really necessary here? She wants a couple of kids her own age so they can scream and hit each other with balloons. So that's what I gave her. Never, at any point, did I intend to use my child's birthday as a platform to state who I like and who I don't like. Never.

To the man in that office that sits behind that big desk and smokes 5,000 cigarettes a day:

HIM: Really? Twins? Wow! You must be looking for the highest building to jump off of now

ME: ...........*purposely said nothing and stared directly into his eyes until he shifted uncomfortably, cleared his throat and then tured away to pretend to do something important on his computer*

YOU SUCK!

• because......because it's obvious why you suck, you don't have to be full of hormones to get this one

To woman who asked me this:

HER: What's it like to be pregnant? 

ME: Um, well, it's different for everybody and every pregnancy is different so it all depends

HER: I imagine it's beautiful and enlightening and sweaty and gassy.....

ME: Ummmmm, OK...ahhhh.....

HER: Do you have any weird food cravings?

ME: Yes, anything that makes me feel enlightened and gassy.....

YOU...YOU DON'T SUCK THAT BAD BUT...

• you're just so weird

To every complete stranger who has rubbed my belly and/or made some comment to the effect of that I must be ready to deliver any day now.....

YOU SUCK!

• this really doesn't need any explanation either I think

So Eleni just woke up and she's ready to start begin torpedoing through the day, so this will have to end today's episode of YOU SUCK.....but something tells me this won't be the last in the series...