Hello everyone! You're all looking beautiful today!
So I thought I would update you about my doctor's appointment yesterday. My "last" doctor's appointment. I use the term "last" loosely since I'm beginning to feel like I'll be lucky if I have this baby by Christmas!
Anyhoo, we had our last doctor's appointment yesterday and I feel it's important to tell you all
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh......and I can breathe again without feeling like I need to burn something down...
I don't know if I mentioned it on here, I don't think I did, but anyway we mentioned it to a few people around here in the village that we were going to Mytilini on Monday morning for a doctor's appointment. As we were away (for 2 hours....), the local topic of conversation became all about "Did you hear? Tara and Antonis just had their baby! Yeah. This morning!"
a;sldkjfas;kjd ;fqwurvfpseoiuffakljsgfsa;ljf;alsfj j;sakf;kl!!!!!!! (I guess writing in all Caps didn't get all of the aggression out after all...)
So we get back from Mytilini and are relaxing on the beach when Antonis' cell phone rings and we are given our first Congratulations. Here's how that conversation went (translated into English obviously....except for the word 'malaka' which means asshole but is also used when you're talking to a friend so it doesn't reeeeaally mean asshole anymore, although it does still mean asshole but they mean it in a good way...sort of...anyway, this is how Greeks tend to talk to each other)
Antonis: yeah?
Friend: Hey! Congratulations malaka!
Antonis: for what malaka?
Friend: for the baby malaka! You went to Mytilini this morning and had the baby!
Antonis: Malaka, we didn't have the baby this morning, what are you talking about? Tara's sitting here beside me, we're at the beach malaka. No baby yet.
F: Oh. Malaka, I heard you had the baby
A: are you stupid? if we had the baby we would call you. You're listening to the malakias? (*malakias means bullshit)
F: I don't know malaka, I heard you went to Mytilini
A: yeah, we had an appointment. Everything's fine, the baby's not due until this weekend malaka. Relax! We'll call you when she's here
F: Oh. Ok. How is Tara?
A: She's fine, she's having some pain but she's ok
F: MALAKA IF SHE'S IN PAIN WHY DID YOU COME BACK FROM MYTILINI???? THE BABY IS COMING!!
...and then Antonis proceeded to explain what actually happens during labour and childbirth (because he's an expert now! I mean that, I'm not making fun of him, I'm impressed with how much he's paying attention) to calm his friend down. The word 'malaka' was thrown around a few more times and then they hung up.
Anyway, the point is that the majority of the village thought we had the baby yesterday...which we did NOT, just to further clarify that.
Here's what actually happened yesterday:
Yes we went to Mytilini to visit the doctor. He checked the baby's position and said that she's still not quite low enough to be ready for delivery, but he's still feeling confident that she'll be here on or around her due date. Actually he feels like it will be the 25th, which is this Saturday. Saturday is also the day that my parents, my brother and my brother's girlfriend arrive so that should be an interesting day! I won't even get into the sequence of events I've imagined should I be delivering Eleni just as my family comes running into the maternity wing, suitcases flying behind them, breathless and hair a mess as they're asking everyone in sight where I am, but no one will speak English to them and they're panicking when suddenly....I come walking out of the delivery room with Eleni and everything and everyone freezes....yes I did get into the imagined sequence of events, but that's only a fraction of it so I did manage to hold back a little...
Anyway, getting back to the important stuff! The doctor expects that Eleni will still arrive by her due date, which is this weekend. She's growing really well. REALLY well actually, she's about 3.5kg now, which is 7 lbs 7 oz. We did another non-stress cardio test and her heart was perfect. I refilled my iron supplement prescription. And finally Dr. Provenzas said that if the baby hasn't come by this weekend that we'll visit him again on Monday so he can check on her and make sure she's still ok. And despite what all the gossipers will say, Monday will still just be an APPOINTMENT!
Sometimes I really wonder what people are thinking or where they get their information from. I have been asked probably a hundred times "when will the baby be born?" Are you asking me that because you think I have a feeling when she's going to be born? Do you think she's told me when she wants to come out? Do you think my doctor's a psychic? I don't get it! The baby comes when the baby comes people! You're given a due date, but it's just an estimate! 50% of first time mom's deliver after the estimated due date so it's really not that surprising that Eleni isn't here yet. And despite how many times I have told people "she's due on the 24th" I still get asked about 15 times a day "she's not here yet?!"...then my head spins around in circles like the girl on the exorcist, my eyes pop out of my head and I scream...
Ok none of that actually happens. That's what happens in my head but on the outside I just fake smile and say "she's due on Friday'"
It's also annoying to get emails and facebook messages asking "have you had that baby yet?".....have I told you I've had the baby yet? No. So no, I have not had the baby yet. When I have the baby I will tell you, until then please stop asking. Yes, I can admit that maybe I'm the one who needs to chill the f#*@ out but I'm sure you can understand that it's just annoying answering the same question all day long every single day. There. I said it. I love you all but please stop driving me crazy. It's not really you that's making me crazy, it's my completely out of control hormones, but obviously they're in the driver's seat at the moment and there's not much I can do about that other than hang on tight until the ride's over.
I realize this post is a little aggressive today with the overuse of capital letters and exclamation points. Sorry guys! Besides the crazy hormones I'm actually completely exhausted today because even though I just ranted about how the baby's not even due yet and blah blah blah, I was up all night having contractions. They stopped around 5am and they weren't "grab the bags it's time to go!" painful but they were uncomfortable enough to keep me awake and reading Ina May Gaskin's Guide to Childbirth (I'm reading it for the 2nd time...awesome book!). According to a lot of the birth stories in the book, it's not uncommon to 'labour' for even 2 weeks before a baby is born. It's not the kind of labour you see in the movies where the woman is screaming in pain and telling her husband she's going have his testicles surgically removed, but basically it's what I've been dealing with since last Saturday....mild contractions and cramping on a daily basis. So I'm agreeing with the doctor that she'll be here by this weekend or sometime this week.
Actually at the appointment while I was hooked up to the machine that monitors the baby's heart rate, I noticed there was another little box that was monitoring my uterine contractions. I wasn't sure if that was what it was for but every time I had a contraction the number would go up from 0 to 7 or 12, it even got to 20 one time. Anyway, I asked the male nurse (yes, the fact that he was a he and not a she is important here) what that box was for and he confirmed that, yes that is monitoring your uterine contractions. So I asked him if it was ok that I was measuring around a '12' fairly consistently. He said,
Ok, well my scattered brain can't really deal with today anymore so I think I'll lie down and try to take a nap. In the mean time, keep watching for the 'MMMM, I love cheese!' status update on facebook because it seems like we're getting closer to that time! YAY!
So I thought I would update you about my doctor's appointment yesterday. My "last" doctor's appointment. I use the term "last" loosely since I'm beginning to feel like I'll be lucky if I have this baby by Christmas!
Just kidding...I'm not even due yet
Anyhoo, we had our last doctor's appointment yesterday and I feel it's important to tell you all
NO I DID NOT HAVE THE BABY YESTERDAY SO PLEASE STOP ASKING ME THAT!!!
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh......and I can breathe again without feeling like I need to burn something down...
I don't know if I mentioned it on here, I don't think I did, but anyway we mentioned it to a few people around here in the village that we were going to Mytilini on Monday morning for a doctor's appointment. As we were away (for 2 hours....), the local topic of conversation became all about "Did you hear? Tara and Antonis just had their baby! Yeah. This morning!"
a;sldkjfas;kjd ;fqwurvfpseoiuffakljsgfsa;ljf;alsfj j;sakf;kl!!!!!!! (I guess writing in all Caps didn't get all of the aggression out after all...)
So we get back from Mytilini and are relaxing on the beach when Antonis' cell phone rings and we are given our first Congratulations. Here's how that conversation went (translated into English obviously....except for the word 'malaka' which means asshole but is also used when you're talking to a friend so it doesn't reeeeaally mean asshole anymore, although it does still mean asshole but they mean it in a good way...sort of...anyway, this is how Greeks tend to talk to each other)
Antonis: yeah?
Friend: Hey! Congratulations malaka!
Antonis: for what malaka?
Friend: for the baby malaka! You went to Mytilini this morning and had the baby!
Antonis: Malaka, we didn't have the baby this morning, what are you talking about? Tara's sitting here beside me, we're at the beach malaka. No baby yet.
F: Oh. Malaka, I heard you had the baby
A: are you stupid? if we had the baby we would call you. You're listening to the malakias? (*malakias means bullshit)
F: I don't know malaka, I heard you went to Mytilini
A: yeah, we had an appointment. Everything's fine, the baby's not due until this weekend malaka. Relax! We'll call you when she's here
F: Oh. Ok. How is Tara?
A: She's fine, she's having some pain but she's ok
F: MALAKA IF SHE'S IN PAIN WHY DID YOU COME BACK FROM MYTILINI???? THE BABY IS COMING!!
...and then Antonis proceeded to explain what actually happens during labour and childbirth (because he's an expert now! I mean that, I'm not making fun of him, I'm impressed with how much he's paying attention) to calm his friend down. The word 'malaka' was thrown around a few more times and then they hung up.
Anyway, the point is that the majority of the village thought we had the baby yesterday...which we did NOT, just to further clarify that.
Here's what actually happened yesterday:
Yes we went to Mytilini to visit the doctor. He checked the baby's position and said that she's still not quite low enough to be ready for delivery, but he's still feeling confident that she'll be here on or around her due date. Actually he feels like it will be the 25th, which is this Saturday. Saturday is also the day that my parents, my brother and my brother's girlfriend arrive so that should be an interesting day! I won't even get into the sequence of events I've imagined should I be delivering Eleni just as my family comes running into the maternity wing, suitcases flying behind them, breathless and hair a mess as they're asking everyone in sight where I am, but no one will speak English to them and they're panicking when suddenly....I come walking out of the delivery room with Eleni and everything and everyone freezes....yes I did get into the imagined sequence of events, but that's only a fraction of it so I did manage to hold back a little...
Anyway, getting back to the important stuff! The doctor expects that Eleni will still arrive by her due date, which is this weekend. She's growing really well. REALLY well actually, she's about 3.5kg now, which is 7 lbs 7 oz. We did another non-stress cardio test and her heart was perfect. I refilled my iron supplement prescription. And finally Dr. Provenzas said that if the baby hasn't come by this weekend that we'll visit him again on Monday so he can check on her and make sure she's still ok. And despite what all the gossipers will say, Monday will still just be an APPOINTMENT!
Sometimes I really wonder what people are thinking or where they get their information from. I have been asked probably a hundred times "when will the baby be born?" Are you asking me that because you think I have a feeling when she's going to be born? Do you think she's told me when she wants to come out? Do you think my doctor's a psychic? I don't get it! The baby comes when the baby comes people! You're given a due date, but it's just an estimate! 50% of first time mom's deliver after the estimated due date so it's really not that surprising that Eleni isn't here yet. And despite how many times I have told people "she's due on the 24th" I still get asked about 15 times a day "she's not here yet?!"...then my head spins around in circles like the girl on the exorcist, my eyes pop out of my head and I scream...
I'M NOT EVEN DUE YET!!!
Chill the F#&$ out!
Idiot!
Ok none of that actually happens. That's what happens in my head but on the outside I just fake smile and say "she's due on Friday'"
It's also annoying to get emails and facebook messages asking "have you had that baby yet?".....have I told you I've had the baby yet? No. So no, I have not had the baby yet. When I have the baby I will tell you, until then please stop asking. Yes, I can admit that maybe I'm the one who needs to chill the f#*@ out but I'm sure you can understand that it's just annoying answering the same question all day long every single day. There. I said it. I love you all but please stop driving me crazy. It's not really you that's making me crazy, it's my completely out of control hormones, but obviously they're in the driver's seat at the moment and there's not much I can do about that other than hang on tight until the ride's over.
I realize this post is a little aggressive today with the overuse of capital letters and exclamation points. Sorry guys! Besides the crazy hormones I'm actually completely exhausted today because even though I just ranted about how the baby's not even due yet and blah blah blah, I was up all night having contractions. They stopped around 5am and they weren't "grab the bags it's time to go!" painful but they were uncomfortable enough to keep me awake and reading Ina May Gaskin's Guide to Childbirth (I'm reading it for the 2nd time...awesome book!). According to a lot of the birth stories in the book, it's not uncommon to 'labour' for even 2 weeks before a baby is born. It's not the kind of labour you see in the movies where the woman is screaming in pain and telling her husband she's going have his testicles surgically removed, but basically it's what I've been dealing with since last Saturday....mild contractions and cramping on a daily basis. So I'm agreeing with the doctor that she'll be here by this weekend or sometime this week.
Actually at the appointment while I was hooked up to the machine that monitors the baby's heart rate, I noticed there was another little box that was monitoring my uterine contractions. I wasn't sure if that was what it was for but every time I had a contraction the number would go up from 0 to 7 or 12, it even got to 20 one time. Anyway, I asked the male nurse (yes, the fact that he was a he and not a she is important here) what that box was for and he confirmed that, yes that is monitoring your uterine contractions. So I asked him if it was ok that I was measuring around a '12' fairly consistently. He said,
"Yes, that's completely normal. When you are here to deliver the baby, that box will read up to 98 or 99....and then you'll REALLY be in pain hahahahahahahaha"
Yes. He laughed. Once again I retreated into my imagination, and this is what happened:
"Really? That's funny? You think that's F.U.N.N.Y? Malaka?? No I don't think it is actually. You know what I do think is funny? Cat's with mustaches.
BOOM!
Now that's hilarious!
But your little 98, 99 pain scale...NOT FUNNY AT ALL!"
*And then I gave him a wedgie he'll never forget!*
But of course that's not actually what happened. What really happened was I fake laughed along with his laugh and then glared at his back as he walked out of the room. If only he knew......
Eeeeeeeee soooo close!!!! Looooove you! Xoxoxoxoxo
ReplyDeleteThinking of you hunni! I have been stalking your fb for updates but I see she's not ready to come out yet. This little lady has a lot of people on pins and needles with her expected arrival. That conversation between Antonis and his friend was hilarious! I can't get over that male nurse. Slap slap! That's so awesome that your parents, brother and his gf are going to see you this weekend!!! Hang in there hunni! You've been such a superstar thru all this! I just know you're gonna rock the birth! Sending you lots of love, beautiful! cocococococo <3
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